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Archive | October, 2013

Banana Bread

14 Oct

This is the Facebook image for this recipe:

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Here’s the recipe:

“You’ve GOT to try this banana bread recipe! It uses honey and applesauce instead of sugar and oil. Make sure to SHARE so it’s saved to your personal page.

Ingredients

2 cups whole wheat flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup unsweetened applesauce
3/4 cup honey
2 eggs, beaten
3 mashed overripe bananas

Directions

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Lightly grease a 9×5 inch loaf pan. In a large bowl, combine flour, baking soda and salt. In a separate bowl, mix together applesauce and honey. Stir in eggs and mashed bananas until well blended. Stir banana mixture into flour mixture; stir just to moisten. Pour batter into prepared loaf pan.

Bake in preheated oven for 60 to 65 minutes, until a toothpick inserted into center of the loaf comes out clean. Let bread cool in pan for 10 minutes, then turn out onto a wire rack.”

This is how it came out of the oven:

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It stayed in the oven for the recommended time – there were no adjustments necessary. So far, so good.

The Family Report:

Me: You need to eat this bread. It is really amazing.

Son: It tastes weird. (but he ate it all…)

Daughter: Really good!

This recipe has received four stars in this house. It takes less than twenty minutes to mix together. It loses a star because it’s a little tough around the crust, but I may have overcooked it slightly.

 

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Simple Ghost Decorations

13 Oct

This craft is ridiculously simple. 

You’ll need:

Stuffing

White fabric

Needle and thread

Scissors

Black marker

String

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Use the needle and thread to push a line of thread through the center of the fabric square. This will be used to hang the craft. Lay the square down again and bunch the stuffing.

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Place it in the center of the fabric and bunch the fabric around it. Tie off the fabric with the string and trim the ends of the string.

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Draw the eyes and hang! It really is very simple.

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Make Your Own Dog Halloween Costume!

13 Oct

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Supermodel Bella says: “This costume gets TWO PAWS UP!”

I made a ghost costume for the Chihuahua today. I used the following materials:

White fabric

Gray fabric

Scissors

Needle and thread

Pins

An existing dog costume

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I pinned the doggie jacket to the white fabric and traced around it (don’t worry, she has enough attitude to wear cheetah print). Here’s what the outline looks like in case you don’t have a doggie costume:

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After I cut that out, I traced eyes and mouth for the back:

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I fitted the pattern to the dog before sewing everything together.

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Finally, I sewed the eyes and mouth onto the back. I sewed the belly in only two spots, because my girl is a little chunky for a Chihuahua.

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Finally, I put it on her.

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After I put it on her, I realized I sewed it together upside down. I’m trusting you to put the eyes between the shoulder blades and the mouth on the center of the back. It is uniquely my project, hehehe…..

Enjoy!

For the Military Siblings

10 Oct

This blog post was inspired by the following:

http://ashleighbaker.net/2012/11/this-is-to-you-the-military-wife/

Here’s to You, the Military Sibling

The one who waits up until the wee hours of the night for a Facebook message so your mom and dad can sleep.

The one who never watches the news.

The one who listens to the things your mom can’t hear.

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The one who beats around the bush because you’re never quite sure what you can discuss.

The one who takes pictures of family to send away.

The one who waits next to the military wife at the airport, if you can make it there.

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The one who has to keep Mom and Dad calm when there is no contact for a few days due to changing orders or moving troops.

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The one who has to be the shoulder.

To you, the one who holds back the tears when you just want to cry out for your sibling’s pain.

To you, who smiles through the tears on the phone.

To you, who runs to the other room to cry when your kid brother or sister announces orders to go to some of the most dangerous places in the world. You do this because you know they need you to be strong, because Mom and Dad are a wreck.

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To you, who misses your nieces and nephews fiercely but resorts to stalking them on social networking sites.

To you, fellow military sibling, who would take your nieces and nephews if necessary because your military sibling has been called overseas.

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To you, military sibling, and to all you do behind the scenes to keep your military families together.

The Trailer

10 Oct

He stood in the middle of the room, looking around. He turned around three times before he saw the full scene. He brushed his hand through his dark hair and left it standing stiff. He tried to wipe the sweat from his face but it seemed to reappear instantly. He backed out of the room and dropped the heavy object in his hand. He tripped over the rug and landed on the floor with a splat. His jeans were immediately soaked and he could feel the liquid on his ass. He squirmed to the open door and fell out, backwards. He remembered her fondly before he blacked out completely.

Frank arrived on the scene first. The call came in as a domestic disturbance. It would only be the third one this week at Ted and Sandy’s place. The trailer sat on ten acres of land. How these two fought loudly enough to interrupt their neighbors was beyond Frank.  He figured he would break up the argument, advise Ted to go to his sister’s house for the night, then join Ted later for a beer at the bar.

He needed the beer this week, too. There had been two car wrecks on the new highway that just came through town. Frank hated car wrecks. Someone was always bleeding all over him. He wasn’t a fan of blood and took simple jobs whenever he could to avoid blood of any form. That’s why he was the first to jump on the call to Ted and Sandy’s. This was going to be another easy one, as long as Sandy didn’t file charges again.

As he walked across the 50 feet of yard to the front door, he noticed a mop of hair on the front porch. When did Ted consent to a dog? was Frank’s first thought. He took a few steps forward and realized it wasn’t a dog, it was Ted’s head on the wooden slats.

Frank’s eyes grew wide and his breath quickened. His round belly, stretching well past his belt’s limits, began to shake as worse case scenarios ran through his head. He walked up on the porch slowly, gun drawn, calling out for Ted. When Ted wouldn’t move, he called for Sandy. No one answered. The slats were a slate red and slippery. Frank carefully bent down to search for a pulse on Ted. There was nothing.

He choked back a few sobs after calling Ted a poor bastard. He turned his head to the house then raced to the edge of the porch to vomit from the smell. After he was done, he radioed for a bus to meet him at the trailer. Gun drawn, he continued into the house.

Sandy was in the front room. She was surrounded by a pool of blood which had run to the door. Traces of it were left in footprints all over the house. Sandy was abandoned on the floor; she had no choice but to lie down. Half her skull lay near her feet.

There was an ax by the door where Ted had fallen. It was covered in blood and gray matter. Hair covered the edge of the blade. It was pretty obvious to Frank that a fight had gone too far.

But what had happened to Ted? These two yelled loud enough to see Frank a few times a week, but Ted was moving out soon. What happened? What made him snap? What made him hack through his beloved Sandy?

Frank wobbled and held himself up against the wall. He looked at his hand on the wall and immediately thought of fingerprints. Afterthought would tell Frank that he really didn’t need to worry about it – his prints were all over the house from so many visits. He put his gloves on anyway.

As he reviewed the scene one more time, his head began to spin. The smell and the sight of all the blood made him want to vomit again. He gingerly stepped over Ted and went outside to wait for that bus.

——————————————–

“Ted, is that you?” Sandy called out from the kitchen.

“Yep”, was Ted’s quick reply.

“What are you doing out there?” she demanded.

Great, Ted thought, she’s super Sandy bitch from hell again.

“I’m moving out”, he replied.

“No you’re not”, she responded with an edge to her voice.

“Yes, I am. I’m staying with my sister.”

“YOU ARE THE BIGGEST WIMP I KNOW! YOU’RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE! YOU’RE STAYING HERE, YOU’RE GOING TO DO WHAT I SAY AND YOU’RE GOING TO STOP BEING AN ASSHOLE!”

She had jumped from 0 to 60 again. This is why he was leaving. She was a big reason why the cops were called on them so often. She was quick to yell and even quicker to swing her fists. He was two feet taller than her, which is exactly why he would not fight back. He wasn’t violent but he wasn’t a pushover either. He usually wound up yelling back. She would often swing her fists and hit a wall, bruise, then tell everyone in town he had grabbed her. It was too much for such a gentle man who just wanted a moment’s peace.

“Sandy, I’m moving out. I think we need this.”

“I DON’T NEED ANYTHING EXCEPT FOR YOU TO GROW SOME BALLS!”

She burst into the garage where he had been putting things into his pickup. She grabbed the ax he used for splitting wood and came at him full force. She swung well over her head and would have landed in the middle of his chest if he hadn’t been able to duck. He grabbed her around her arms and forced the ax down. The blade hit the concrete floor with a thud and scrape.

She rammed her butt against his thighs. It hurt but he stood his ground firmly. She wriggled and bit into his arm and he let go. She ran into the house with the ax in her hand, telling him he wasn’t taking anything else out of the house.

He followed her to find she had poised herself in the living room. She looked almost comical at 4’10”, yellow hair wild and flying.

“Sandy, enough” he said, walking toward her with his hands out.

“NO! I’M GOING TO KILL YOU ASSHOLE! YOU’RE NOT LEAVING ME! I’M GOING TO CUT YOUR FUCKING HEAD OFF!”

“Sandy, really, the cops are going to end up here again.”

“GOOD! THEY’LL FIND YOU DEAD AND THEY’LL SEE ME LAUGHING!”

He ran his hands through his hair as she charged at him again, ax swinging over her head. He grabbed the ax handle this time and yanked hard. The ax flew out of Sandy’s hands, nearly hitting Ted in the mouth. She grabbed at it but couldn’t reach it where he held it over his head. He tried to hold it up but she was flailing against him. She started kicking him and punching his stomach. As her tiny fists landed on his balls, he brought both hands down hard to cover himself.

The ax was still in his hand. The blade was lined perfectly with the top of Sandy’s skull. The angle was just enough to shave off bone, skin and brain. The force which Ted used to cover his bruising scrotum was enough to slice cleanly through Sandy’s skull, brain, ear and eye. He heard her eyeball pop. She fell to the floor and never made a sound as the pool of blood around her just grew.

I’ve Been Nominated!

9 Oct

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I’ve been nominated for a Liebster Award! I’m honored that someone thought I was cool enough for this. Thank you Levi and Laura for the nomination! I’m flattered and honored that a place where I can share with everyone has been given a positive nod.

This isn’t a big reward that gets national attention; it’s just an award which lets you post the medal on your blog. It’s for small blogs with less than 200 followers. All the best blogs start this way, so I’m proud to be part of the tradition! And hey, for those who don’t know about blogging, an award looks pretty darn good! I’m totally bragging about the nomination.

OK, to start with, I have to answer ten questions posed to me by the person who nominated me. Then, I have to choose five blogs which have under 200 followers. I then send them my ten questions, made up by me.

Let’s get started:

1. If you could talk to one piece of your furniture, which would it be? The stove. I want to know why it alternates between burning and undercooking everything I feed to it.

2. What was the last thing you ate? Fajita and Bean Soup by Campbell’s. So bad for you but….. YUM!

3. What kind of dinosaur would you want as a pet? Pterydactyl because it’ll fly away. I don’t want a dinosaur.

4. If you could witness any historical event of the past, what would it be? The Lizzie Borden murders. What really happened????

5. Who would win in a foot race: your favorite author or your favorite actor? Favorite actor. Favorite author is dead. Can’t run too far.

6. What was the last book you read that you really enjoyed? I don’t remember what it was called but it was a book about a woman who dreamed of ghosts. She was psychic and stuff and the male ghost would…… *ahem*……… yeah……

7. Have you ever gotten a speeding ticket? If so, where were you? I got a speeding ticket somewhere very very bad. The court date is in a month and a half (I’m not kidding)

8. What was the first concert you attended? Dave Matthews Band.

9. If you could be famous for something, what would it be? Writing!!!!!

10. What’s the theme song to your life? Breathe by Erasure

My turn!

Here are my five nominees:

Figuring It Out

John Bratingham

Kindle Affairs

Just as the Cock Crows

Naomi Talks Beauty

Here are the ten questions:

1. If you could ask your dog one question, what would it be?

2. If you only had one book left, what would it be?

3. Where do you see yourself in ten years?

4. For what would you like to be famous?

5. Do you believe in ghosts?

6. Which hobby would you do all the time, if you could?

7. What would you do with an immediate $1,000?

8. What is your favorite adventure?

9. What is your earliest memory?

10. When was the last time you belly laughed?

Exciting Crafts Coming Up!

9 Oct

I got a new job and they want me to bring in decorations for the holidays. I haven’t had a job for four months and I’m not a decorator. This means that A. I don’t have any money to buy decorations and B. I don’t have any extra decorations to contribute.

I told the organizer about my dilemma and she said, “So make something.”

My daughter and I are going to make something.

I want to make bats and cute ghosts for Halloween. I saw a pattern where ghosts were made out of socks.

This is where you all come in. You know I try to do these projects and they all come out crazy. What simple projects can you suggest for me? We have lots of wall space so think “up” if you could.

I’ll take pictures and post our adventures in any projects we complete. Thank you in advance for any suggestions!

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